This is a deep-dive into my experience working with Mother Cacao to help heal my own sexual trauma - in hope that it can provide comfort, inspiration and insight for your own healing journey!
Well, here I am. I never thought that I would be opening up and sharing my own story around sexual trauma with the world... and... I know that this needs to be shared. I truly feel that the more light that we can shed on our wounds, the more healing that can occur for ourselves, our loved ones and the collective.
Within the last two years, I have been on a deep-dive immersive journey into healing from sexual trauma. I have worked with psychotherapist, a shamanic healer, a tantric breathwork practitioner, my own spirit guides and Mother Cacao. I have uncovered many of my patters, fears and triggers and have linked them back to my childhood and teenage years. I feel that growing up in a family with an absent father who was showcasing the toxic masculine, I wasn't shown what the divine masculine looked like, or told how I should be treated as a young woman. So now that I look back, there are many instances where I was abused, disrespected, hurt and shamed. I can now see how these memories have shaped my relationship to my body, my sexuality, my confidence, my voice and my inner power as a woman. For me, I was longing for love, the love from my father who wasn't there. And, as a young teenage girl, I noticed that I could gain attention and what I thought was love through my body and sexuality. Only, I didn't receive love. I received pain, rejection and shame, as in the end all I was seen for was my body. And... I am a full believer in like-attacts-like. I can now see that the vibration I was putting out into the world was one of desperation, lack and neediness, rather than one of abundant self-love and an over-flowing inner cup. I have noticed now that the more love I give to myself, the more I attract completely different kinds of people into my life. When you are operating from a high vibrational space of self-love, the universe WILL match you with attracting high vibrational opportunities, friendships, partnerships, abundance and love into your life.
I also want to acknowledge that the men involved were also travelling their own childhood wounding, their own un-resolved traumas and pains. Not that this acts as an excuse at all... but for me if has really helped me to step out of victimhood and into acceptance and forgiveness. And, not all of the men abused me or traumatised me! I also had some really deep and powerful connections with men as I got older, although I was never really bale to open my heart and yoni fully to them as I was still holding onto this pain and trauma within.
If you have experienced any kind of sexual trauma or abuse, whether it be rape, incest, sexual harassment, stalking, grooming, childhood sexual abuse, sexual violence... even being verbally abused in a sexual context from people in the street, neighbours, people at the pub.. whatever the context, it is not okay and it does leave scars. My hope through this blog post is to uncover the benefits of Ceremonial Cacao in the healing from sexual trauma, as a heart-led expansion, opening to more self-love.
Meeting Mother Cacao
My process with healing began during my first ever Cacao Ceremony, with my beautiful teacher and friend, deep within the Somerset Hills. I was nestled inside a fairytale cabin with some other incredible cacao explorers, and was handed a mug of thick, dark cacao. This ceremony was the beginning, the powerful trigger point which began my journey of sexual healing. The spirit of Mother Cacao came to me in the ceremony and showed me my womb space. She showed me the heavy energy that I was holding onto, the shame, guilt and the blockages that riddled my body. She held me, she guided me and she helped me to remove some of this old, toxic energy that was residing in my womb. She showed me how this energy was hindering me from having orgasms, from connecting to my sexual energy and from fully embodying my body. I felt held, loved, seen and supported from Mother Cacao and from that moment on, I knew that our paths were to be woven together in a powerful tapestry of womb medicine.
I have spent the last year working deeply with my body, my womb, my yoni, my sexual energy, my triggers, traumas, woundings and patterns of behaviour and Mother Cacao has assisted me in the deepest and most profound ways. I personally work with her through shamanic journeying, dance, movement, breath and to channel her wisdom and messages.
Ceremonial Cacao is filled with powerful chemicals, vitamins and minerals which are soothing to the nervous system and help to promote a blissful, love-filled state.
Opening The Heart - Cacao is known for her heart opening properties, helping us to cultivate more love, acceptance and peace from within. The sex centre & root chakra are directly connected to the heart, so when the heart opens, it is almost like a direct hook up to the womb/yoni/lingam/anus. This means that it is easier to connect more deeply to the body and any emotions that are being held there.
Relaxation & De-Armouring - Cacao floods the nervous system with endorphins which bring relaxation, pleasure and decreased pain to the body. She actually acts like a natural morphine! This is really powerful when exploring de-amouring or self-touch to your sex centre or womb space, which can often hold pain or tension when trauma has been experienced. Personally, I have also found that I am able to move through layers of shame, uncomfortable emotions or sensations with much more love, awareness and understanding, if I have had a mug of Cacao before any kind of self-pleasure or self-touch.
Orgasmic Energy & Bliss Molecule - Cacao contains anandamide which is considered the 'Bliss Molecule!' This molecule fills the body full of a yummy pleasure-state that is felt when you have made love to a partner, or had a deep love-filled connection. This is a really powerful molecule that can enable you to feel noticeable orgasmic states within the body, which is a beautiful way to work with numbness or difficulty in orgasming, that may have arisen after sexual trauma.
Mental Clarity & Revelations - The dopamine in the Cacao helps to stimulate clarity, focus and motivation. I have found that her medicine has been so powerful in helping me to get to the root cause of triggers or wounding - to shed light and bring aha! moments and revelations.
Heart-Felt Sharing & Communication - She has really helped me with authentic communication from the heart, which has been so powerful when talking to partners, family, therapists or friends about what had happened. Making a cup of cacao for the both of you and sitting down to connect heart-to-heart, is a potent way to shift energy, release shame and to let yourself be seen, heard and held.
Self-Pleasure - I have personally found that self-pleasure could bring up a lot of uncomfortable emotions and sensations in my body, which would usually cause me to stop and feel full of shame. I have found that drinking Cacao before a self-pleasure practice, softens the edges and helps me to move through the layers much more deeply. The deepend compassion, patience and love that I feel for myself once I have mother cacao running through my veins, helps me to pause at points of trigger or emotion, to hold myself and to breathe. And then once I am feeling safe again, I am able to carry on! This has been a very deep exploration for me with some profound and beautiful healing, clearing and purging of all that no longer serves.
The Light At The end Of The Tunnel
I feel that the path to healing from sexual trauma is long, windey and filled with ups and downs, hidden surprises, beauty and shadow work. Through working deeply with our shadows we are able to alchemise the wounding into medicine for ourselves, our ancestors and the collective. You may feel rage, anger, shame, guilt, impatience or like you have been (or still are) a victim to what has happened to you in your past. And these emotions are all totally valid. My invitation to you is to see them as sign posts to parts of yourself that need loving and healing. Parts of yourself that hold medicine, lessons and light for you on your path forward. The more that we are able to step into our power, take ownership of our bodies, release the past and not let it shape or dictate our future, the freer we will be to live our lives in truth and authenticity.
So How Do You Get Started?
Self-Exploration - This is really wonderful if you have worked with Cacao before and have some knowledge of her medicine and how she works. If so, your next step my be to purchase some Cacao and begin your own self-healing journey! This can be a very powerful way to connect inwards and find your own flow with your healing. I sell Wild Soul Cacao HERE - which comes with a Free Intention Setting Meditation and Full Cacao Guide - some extra goodies to help you on your way.
One-To-One Cacao Sessions - these are personal cacao ceremonies just for you. You will be invited to set an intention for your ceremony and together we will embark upon a shamanic journey, to meet with the spirit of Cacao for healing and guidance. These sessions are really powerful for working with any kind of trauma, especially sexual trauma and womb related issues or imbalances.
Introduction To Cacao Course - my online course is all about empowering you to begin your own self-exploratory journey with Cacao. This course gives you all the information that you need to connect to the spirit of cacao, along with meditations, recipes, rituals, history, shamanic journey and channelled messages from Cacao. A perfect starting point for your self-healing journey if you haven’t tried ceremonial cacao before.
Shamanic Womb Healing with Cacao - these sessions are focussed around the womb and female reproductive system and are tailored for sexual trauma, fertility issues, birth trauma, miscarriages, abortions, menstrual cycle imbalances and dis-ease, spirit baby connection and healing to the whole reproductive system. You would be invited to set an intention for your healing, and we would then drink Cacao together and go on a shamanic journey to your inner womb temple. Here you would meet Cacao for guidance, insights and healing for your womb.
All my love to each and everyone of you souls. Please feel that you can reach out to me if you feel called to with your story, or even share at the bottom of this post. The more light we can bring to sexual trauma, the less grip it will have on us as individuals and as a collective.
Love and hugs,
Isla-Rose & Mumma Cacao x