This is a deep-dive into my experience working with Mother Cacao to help heal my own sexual trauma - in hope that it can provide comfort, inspiration and insight for your own healing journey!
Well, here I am. I never thought that I would be opening up and sharing my own story around sexual trauma with the world... and... I know that this needs to be shared. I truly feel that the more light that we can shed on our wounds, the more healing that can occur for ourselves, our loved ones and the collective.
Within the last two years, I have been on a deep-dive immersive journey into healing from sexual trauma. I have worked with psychotherapist, a shamanic healer, a tantric breathwork practitioner, my own spirit guides and Mother Cacao. I have uncovered many of my patters, fears and triggers and have linked them back to my childhood and teenage years. I feel that growing up in a family with an absent father who was showcasing the toxic masculine, I wasn't shown what the divine masculine looked like, or told how I should be treated as a young woman. So now that I look back, there are many instances where I was abused, disrespected, hurt and shamed. I can now see how these memories have shaped my relationship to my body, my sexuality, my confidence, my voice and my inner power as a woman. For me, I was longing for love, the love from my father who wasn't there. And, as a young teenage girl, I noticed that I could gain attention and what I thought was love through my body and sexuality. Only, I didn't receive love. I received pain, rejection and shame, as in the end all I was seen for was my body. And... I am a full believer in like-attacts-like. I can now see that the vibration I was putting out into the world was one of desperation, lack and neediness, rather than one of abundant self-love and an over-flowing inner cup. I have noticed now that the more love I give to myself, the more I attract completely different kinds of people into my life. When you are operating from a high vibrational space of self-love, the universe WILL match you with attracting high vibrational opportunities, friendships, partnerships, abundance and love into your life.
I also want to acknowledge that the men involved were also travelling their own childhood wounding, their own un-resolved traumas and pains. Not that this acts as an excuse at all... but for me if has really helped me to step out of victimhood and into acceptance and forgiveness. And, not all of the men abused me or traumatised me! I also had some really deep and powerful connections with men as I got older, although I was never really bale to open my heart and yoni fully to them as I was still holding onto this pain and trauma within.
If you have experienced any kind of sexual trauma or abuse, whether it be rape, incest, sexual harassment, stalking, grooming, childhood sexual abuse, sexual violence... even being verbally abused in a sexual context from people in the street, neighbours, people at the pub.. whatever the context, it is not okay and it does leave scars. My hope through this blog post is to uncover the benefits of Ceremonial Cacao in the healing from sexual trauma, as a heart-led expansion, opening to more self-love.
Meeting Mother Cacao
My process with healing began during my first ever Cacao Ceremony, with my beautiful teacher and friend, deep within the Somerset Hills. I was nestled inside a fairytale cabin with some other incredible cacao explorers, and was handed a mug of thick, dark cacao. This ceremony was the beginning, the powerful trigger point which began my journey of sexual healing. The spirit of Mother Cacao came to me in the ceremony and showed me my womb space. She showed me the heavy energy that I was holding onto, the shame, guilt and the blockages that riddled my body. She held me, she guided me and she helped me to remove some of this old, toxic energy that was residing in my womb. She showed me how this energy was hindering me from having orgasms, from connecting to my sexual energy and from fully embodying my body. I felt held, loved, seen and supported from Mother Cacao and from that moment on, I knew that our paths were to be woven together in a powerful tapestry of womb medicine.
I have spent the last year working deeply with my body, my womb, my yoni, my sexual energy, my triggers, traumas, woundings and patterns of behaviour and Mother Cacao has assisted me in the deepest and most profound ways. I personally work with her through shamanic journeying, dance, movement, breath and to channel her wisdom and messages.
Ceremonial Cacao is filled with powerful chemicals, vitamins and minerals which are soothing to the nervous system and help to promote a blissful, love-filled state.
Opening The Heart - Cacao is known for her heart opening properties, helping us to cultivate more love, acceptance and peace from within. The sex centre & root chakra are directly connected to the heart, so when the heart opens, it is almost like a direct hook up to the womb/yoni/lingam/anus. This means that it is easier to connect more deeply to the body and any emotions that are being held there.
Relaxation & De-Armouring - Cacao floods the nervous system with endorphins which bring relaxation, pleasure and decreased pain to the body. She actually acts like a natural morphine! This is really powerful when exploring de-amouring or self-touch to your sex centre or womb space, which can often hold pain or tension when trauma has been experienced. Personally, I have also found that I am able to move through layers of shame, uncomfortable emotions or sensations with much more love, awareness and understanding, if I have had a mug of Cacao before any kind of self-pleasure or self-touch.
Orgasmic Energy & Bliss Molecule - Cacao contains anandamide which is considered the 'Bliss Molecule!' This molecule fills the body full of a yummy pleasure-state that is felt when you have made love to a partner, or had a deep love-filled connection. This is a really powerful molecule that can enable you to feel noticeable orgasmic states within the body, which is a beautiful way to work with numbness or difficulty in orgasming, that may have arisen after sexual trauma.